Awesome...

Life is crazy. But I wouldn't have it any other way. It is three in the morning and I just bolted out of bed with some kind of adrenaline rush. I was absolutely exhausted today. The end of the week. Something spiritual drained my resolve. This combined with my fear of taking the next step in my spiritual growth caused me to exhaust myself with all the things I had to get done by the end of today. 

It began with a overwhelming workload this week and intense stress of decisions impacting my staff and advocacy on a grand scale over some controversial development projects we are opposing. Then the session with the kupuna in the hospice was beautiful but so very consumptive of my already fading physical energy. Epiphanies can be so very draining. Then last night, I had to help both boys with their English and Math homework which consisted of a grandparent interview and writing assignment for Koa and review of 100 words for spelling, twelve vocabulary words, a reading comprehension assignment for Elliott and construction and messy painting of two bottle rockets for both boys to use at the school Space Night event on today, Friday. I realized that when my brain and faculties are completely spent from trying to save the world, it can't comprehend 3rd grade math problems without a melt down. Then I had to finish a Summer School application online for the deadline today. 

Today I had to finish a financial aid application and turn it in, finish my parking paperwork or lose my parking tomorrow, help a beneficiary file a contested case request for a huge development we are challenging, get to the bank to transfer funds between accounts before the checks written yesterday bounce, deal with the rest of work issues which arose throughout the day, serve as a confessional for a host of co-workers starting, struggling through, or ending relationships, make time to turn a co-worker's exercise ball into Jupiter in time for tonight's Space Night program, touch base with Mom and Dad who haven't heard from me in awhile and who always worry when that occurs (sorry about the blog entry that made you think I was suicidal Dad!), stick to my diet in the midst of incredible stress, interpret a routine friendly peck on the lips at work which lingered just a little too long, fix a brake light and turn signal on an expired safety check before I get pulled over, reflect on a chance encounter with a woman who works in my building and who remembered me from her past, approached me and who gave me a bit of information critical to a huge spiritual battle we are undertaking right now, and the call from a newspaper reporter on my cell in the middle of that same conversation, about the exact same development issue, then closing the day with another chance encounter with someone who has just opened a pathway between myself and an intense spiritual person from my home island of Kaua'i which promises to take me to the next level of spirituality, and naturally being apprehensive of this imminent kuleana, and then wonder if all the recent signs from my kupuna are real or all in my head. I collapsed in bed tonight disappointing Elliott to the point of tears because we came home and didn't camp over at his school like other classmates following Space Night. Talk about fatherly guilt. 

About an hour ago, both boys crawled into bed with me. My Ipod, which was playing since I fell asleep long ago, began playing random songs in shuffle mode. I am convinced they were a message for me from my kupuna. Sounds crazy but they gave me all the guidance I needed to understand this past week and where I need to go next week. I burned the playlist and lyrics into my head as they played one after another until at the end of the last song, the Ipod battery ran out. Right on the last song and message. I bolted out of bed and was compelled to write this much down. As for the songs and lyrics. That will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm going back to bed before the boys roll around and get up because I'm not next to them. Maybe I am crazy. Milla Jovovich as Joan of Arc flashed in my head before my boys came into bed with me and stirred me from sleep. I must be crazy. Right God? Please tell me it isn't so. Through my Ipod. Just you and me. Nobody will know...