I went offline for a couple of days as I had to focus on family matters and my health. I still am dealing with the aftermath of my Father's passing with so many loose ends to take care of, on top of my own kuleana with home and work. To be honest, it was liberating being off of Facebook, even for only a few days. A couple of weeks ago, at work, I experienced a frightening episode of chest pain. It was a burning in the chest, with a heavy and tight feeling, neck and back muscles cramping, pain shooting down my arms and hands. I felt very weak and immediately went into prayer. I was thinking a heart-attack, and getting ready to dial 911 on my cell-phone. It seemed to let up after about three of the longest minutes of my recent Life. 

The other thought that came into my mind, was a Spiritual attack. I have been told repeatedly by gifted friends, that I leave myself far too open. I actually was first told this over ten years ago. One friend told me to armor my na'au, my waist, Spiritually to protect myself. Another gifted healer friend of mine told me to set boundaries around myself at arm's length and not let people in. I have been repeatedly "whacked" off and on for over twenty years now dealing with Native Hawaiian burials and a host of intense cultural issues of highly sensitive and emotive subjects. I have always just been my open self, exposing my na'au to the World, trusting in the protection of my God, His Angels, my ancestors, 'aumakua and a host of Spiritual Beings, alive and dead. 

However, I have had at least 12 episodes of this Heart issue in the past eight days. Some mild, and some intense, to the point of feeling such a overwhelming feeling of dread and gloom, like it would be my last few breaths in this Life. My doctor gave me an EKG and my Heart doesn't show signs of damage as far as beating. I am scheduled to see a cardiologist next week to run a battery of tests. I suspect it may be Angina Pectoris caused my a reduced blood flow to the Heart. My friends are checking on the Spiritual connections and messages for me while I pursue the battery of physical tests.  I always remember my Father telling me about a family member who climbed a ladder and had a heart attack. He didn't even make it to age 40. My father's father, my grand-father, died on the operating table during heart surgery. These things crossed my mind. 

The episodes seem connected to stress so I am trying to reduce my levels which is very difficult in the job I have dealing with every imaginable issue and injustice with the Hawaiian people and a host of Spiritual issues prevalent in many Hawaiian 'ohana. The last thing I need now is to end up back in the ICU, in a coma and on Life-Support. Fortunately, my pancreas is functioning good, as that was my first concern. I hope to rule out Spiritual attacks because they tend to be messy. 

I'm not talking about someone sitting over a kapu 'ahi kuni'anā'anā stone bowl burning something of mine, praying me to death. Many attacks are unintentional, when someone with Mana in their words, utters out of resentment, jealousy, fear or a multitude of reasons, hana 'ino against you. Even some strong thoughts can manifest themselves into real harm to others. That is why I am very careful with my own choice of words and thoughts. I have witnessed people struck dead over powerful words in my Lifetime. 

If it is determined that I have aka cords attached to people who wish me harm, the ego always wants to send it back for retribution. But this is not how I was taught. The healers release the cords, and send them back with Love, Light and Forgiveness. When you send back with anger and intent to hurt, you lose a vital part of your own Healing gifts. I was taught this by a well-known kahuna lā'au lapa'au. You are either a healer or a destroyer. You can't dabble in both. I have a feeling that in at least one of my past Lives, I was a destroyer. Egomaniacal merciless slaughter. I don't want to be sent back for another Life and more lessons. I want to learn my Soul's lessons this time around. I have much kuleana to take care of before I depart from this Realm.  Several thousand iwi kupuna still sitting in boxes after half a century need to go back into the ground and that is my priority right now, among other kuleana.  I have been Blessed to take care of many things already with a sense of accomplishment, but there is much more to do.

As I arrived in Hilo yesterday morning, my flight had many kānaka ki'ai Mauna onboard. It was reinvigorating for my Spirit to connect with them knowing they were headed up to the Mauna. At the same time, I felt sad that I wasn't headed up there with them. On the return flight, late at night, back to O'ahu, the plane I boarded equally had a host of kānaka kia'i Mauna arriving for the Mauna. It was so precious and uplifting to see them and embrace but again, the same feeling overcame me of not being directly on the frontline. What we individually do, wherever we are, to support the protection of this amazing wahi kapu, is up to us. Send Love, Light, Prayers, Healing and Forgiveness. Anytime. Anywhere. Your words and thoughts will truly manifest in amazing and powerful ways. For now, I have to focus on my own kuleana and support the movement, like many, in little and large ways from afar. Their are larger battles looming in the foreseeable future, and the Mauna is just the beginning for us. We need to mālama each other as it will take its toll on many. There is no turning back now.

A Molokai kupuna once said decades ago, that our Lāhui will not rise until we return all of the iwi back to rest in the 'āina. Their Mana is needed now more than ever. I mahalo the kānaka kia'i Mauna for helping to keep those buried on the Mauna protected and in the ground. The Spiritual battles are truly escalating, and I need to armor myself. I need to Heal myself and focus on my family. There is no Lāhui without the 'ohana. I need to focus on my Healing first. When I finally go, I want to go knowing I did everything I could to make this World a more Beautiful, Loving, Kind and Forgiving place with a Bright Future for Earth and her 'ohana. True and pure Aloha Kekahi i Kekahi. Love for Each Other. Finally to greet my Mother and Father, sister, grandparents, all of my ancestors and 'ohana in the Spiritual Realm, to embrace Henry Opukaha'ia, our Beloved Queen Lili'uokalani, Ke Ali'i Pauahi, Princess Ruth, Kamehameha himself, and Keawe-Ka'iana-a-'Ahu'ula, and so many others, and let the tears freely flow in our embrace. Kulukuluwaimaka. A good and industrious Life indeed. Then I can rest. Finally. Rest...


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