Grateful...

I am seriously trying to declutter my Life and let go of things that no longer serve a purpose, as much as I think I may need them in the future. I am also gathering up my stories, documents and other ephemera as well to help me finish my book. Fortunately, I had found a little notepad that my late sister Nalani had given me. She had taken copious notes in June of 2012 when I ended up in the hospital. I never really read through them, until tonight. It was sobering. She started notes right when my wife had called her crying to tell her of my precarious status. 

June 27, 2012: Kai taken to Emergency at Queens. 100% serious. 30% chance of survival. Life threatening. Dying. Doctor said wife and boys need to prepare for possible situation of death. Kai's cholesterol is extremely high. Neck opened with tubes and IV. Doctor said Kai still young, so hopeful. Kidneys, Lungs and Heart failing. On machines. Can't talk. Coma. Life Support.

July 1, 2012: Dr. Chris Fayek, Head of ICU. Comforted wife. Said Kai is in good hands. Still very serious however. Pancreatitis is serious. Assured her he will take good care of him. Nurse Sarah asked him to check Kai's lungs because he may be developing Pneumonia. Dr. Fayek said long sputem from lungs not looking good. Will order antibiotics. 8:00pm Nurse Kerri said Kai can hear.

July 2, 2012: Dr. Ikeda IUC physician. Check IV wound on right arm. Will have surgeon take a look. Kai still on ventilator. ICU Nurse said too many visitors. Chaotic. No visitors. Nurse Denise said Kai has ICU Delirium. Disoriented. Confused. Distressed. Said Kai has Diabetes. Very very sick. Kai will be in hospital awhile. He needs to make major changes. Kai needs sleep apnea machine but have to wait until he is extubated to clear airway. Tomorrow need X-Ray for lungs and pneumonia. Ultrasound to check Gallbladder. Still concerned with secretions from lungs. Has fever. Up and down. Lots of antibiotics.

July 3, 2012: Kai's Birthday. Nurse Denise said need to schedule X-Ray and Ultrasound. Dr. Nip will come look at IV arm wound. MRSA? Sputem lighter. May take off of ventilator today. Extubate as well. Jennifer Thomas, 4th Year Medical student attending to Kai. Breathing better on his own around Noon. Denise said his fever is spiking again. Dr. Lavan came to see Kai at 2:45. Said Kai has Global Encephalopathy. Brain malfunctioning. Denise concurred. Kai not as responsive and not talking much yet. Fever coming back. Dr. Ikeda said Dr. Nip will look at Kai's arm. Necrotic black tissue around IV wound. Dr. Ikeda say he thinks when ER IV put in, medicine infiltrated skin tissue and damaged tissue, so turning black.

I had to stop reading there as so many emotions, including the fear and pain of that time returned. To see Nalani's Beautiful handwriting and what was happening through her eyes humbles me to no end. I am so grateful to have her words and observations. I also want to Honor the Doctors, Nurses and other staff who helped to Save my Life. Having their names helps me. Nalani shared this Daily Journey with me for another four months.

Even when I was released to go home for a week, with three drainage tubes sticking out of my abdomen, before ending up dehydrated and anemic, and back in the ER and back in the ICU before finally undergoing a risky surgery on my Pancreas. Truly Humbling that Nalani continues to Bless my Life even after she left this corporeal realm. I chose this flower photo because it shows me kissing my sister when I see her in Heaven.

This is a stark reminder to take care of myself and not revert back to old habits. That my family was told to prepare for my death. How selfish of me. The Hawaiians named the pancreas, "Mālama." We all need to Mālama. Ourselves First and Foremost. Then Everyone and Everything else in this Hurting World...