Forever...

Tonight, I walked into the boys' bedroom and found Koa sitting on the floor in the dark clutching his little Mr. Piggy stuffed animal and hiding between the couch and closet. I asked him if he was okay. He said yes. I knew he wasn't. So I asked him to come sit on my lap on the couch and let me hold him because I wanted to. He slowly crawled over and up into my lap. He is growing up so fast that I treasure moments where I can hold him again.


I held him and we looked at Mr. Piggy. The seam where his neck attaches to his chest and shoulders is a little ripped open and some of the stuffing is visible. I told him that we will have to perform surgery on Mr. Piggy and sew his head back onto his body better. We both laughed. I showed Mr. Piggy my stomach scar up close from my recent pancreas surgery and told him not to be afraid to get a scar like me. Then I held Koa tighter and began rocking back and forth slightly as I hummed "You Are My Sunshine..." to him.

I remember my Mother singing that song to me when I was little. I felt her presence in the darkened bedroom and I treasured holding my beloved son. As I began humming the song all over again after finishing it the first time, I was amazed that I actually was humming it in key because I never sing that song. It was like it was somewhere deep in my memory from childhood without me realizing it.

I soon felt cold drops on my shoulder and chest. Koa quickly sat up and wiped it off looking a little embarrassed. I could see that tears were streaming down his face. I asked him why he was sad and it took awhile with some little gentle prodding to get him to answer. He said, "I don't want you to ever leave me..." I started to tear up too.

Knowing that I almost lost my life recently and imagining the fear my sons had. My biggest fear as a child was losing my Mother. I kissed his head and squeezed him tighter. I said, "Don't worry...I will never leave you...we will be together forever. No matter what happens in this Life, and after it, we will always be together. Forever. Isn't God beautiful to allow our Souls to be together forever..."

Koa said yes and smiled wiping away his tears. We sat there in the dark, as I held him, feeling his warmth, breathing in his hair, kissing the top of his head. Giving humble Thanks for the amazing miracle of Life, Love, and Forever...