Life...

I spent a good portion of this day traveling to Maui, conducting an investigative site visit, attending a meeting and then flying back home to O'ahu. While on Maui, Hawai'i Island was also on my mind for various reasons. The Spiritual connections and bonds historically between the two islands is unmistakeable, and palpable.

I found myself trying to absorb as much visual information as I could on my site visit, all the while standing in the undeniable presence of the Ancestors. Trying to constantly discern their messages and guidance, and translate it to the words I uttered to landowner representatives and government agency decision makers as well.

Sadly, an overwhelming feeling of Deja vu seemed to overcome me. I was easily transported back to Maui almost 25 years ago, standing not too far from similar areas, and seemingly addressing almost the exact same issues, asking the same questions, and feeling the same overwhelming grief and sadness. Albeit, a lot more wiser I hope, with a lot more experiences under my belt to deal with the issues better, and determine the best course of action. However, it was also sadly surreal. 

So much has changed about our Beloved Hawai'i. Much of it not for the better. And the things we so want to change, for the better, seem to be mired in the same tragic seemingly hopeless situation.

It made me ponder, with so many friends transitioning lately, over the past few years. How do they view their Legacy now that they have joined the Ancestors. Their finished and unfinished business. Were they able to hold their head up high and greet the Spirit World knowing that they tried to be the Best Human they could, learning important lessons, and doing what they could to make a better Future for Earth and Humanity? Or did they regret that everything they planned and aspired to be, never really came to fruition, as they suddenly were called Home and ran out of precious fleeting time. 

How much was left unsaid? How much left undone?

Today's situation involving ongoing burial site discoveries and impacts reminded me, among hundreds of cases involving thousands of ancestors, of another salient case on Hawai'i Island about 20 years ago. Developer. Subdivision. Family burials dispersed throughout. Digging. Bulldozing. Selling lots. Lawyers. Denied access. Ineffective Bureaucracy. Anger. Tears. Lamentation. 

I remember a kupuna sharing her memory of a burial site that had some surface marker still present, a rock mound. She actually named the two people buried there. Tragically, the "possible burial site" was archaeologically tested, and no "osteological" material was observed. No skeletal parts. So it was deemed not a burial, despite the testimony of 'ohana. A private landowner, who bought the lot, placed and paved their car port over the burial site. 

Today I thought about how you just erase someone like that. Not just one person, but two. All they lived through. Laughed. Loved. Cried. Sacrificed. Struggled through. Their Earthly remains. Their final place of Rest. The focal point for Future descendants to locate and reconnect with their named ancestors. No longer there. Simply erased.

If we excavated all the graves at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific at Punchbowl, I am sure that many graves would no longer contain identifiable "osteological material", especially the older ones. Could we then just remove their name and bury someone else there? That is not Humanity. That is not who we Are.

I remember having to stay at the Keauhou Beach Hotel once during those years for work on another large South Kona development and burial case. A Beautiful Aunty who was 'ohana to the two people who were erased, came up to me when she saw me checking in. She hugged me. She held my face in between her Beautiful soft warm wrinkled hands, cradling it, and looked me straight in the eyes. Teary eyed, she said, "Thank you so much Kai for helping our 'ohana. I love you!"

I hugged her so tight and just Breathed her in. After we parted, I had never felt so unworthy of that statement. So guilty for really having not accomplished anything. Despite the meetings. Despite the carefully drafted letters. Despite the threats of litigation. Despite the many burial council meetings and sorrowful testimony. Despite all the laws and rules. I hung my head as I walked to my hotel room.

So again, today I thought to myself, what has changed in the last almost thirty years since such seemingly powerful laws and rules were enacted to give protection to predominately unmarked ancestral kanaka 'oiwi burial sites. It doesn't seem like very much. An illusion at best.

But despite this grim prognosis and assessment, we shall never give up. We, as a Lāhui, are so overwhelmed with so many ongoing and emergent crises, that it seems we have somehow forsaken what Mary Kawena Pukui defined as "our most cherished possession", the sacred iwi, the bones, the cherished remains of our Beloved Ancestors.

One day I shall leave this place. And I know that one day I shall see these two Beautiful Precious kūpuna who were erased. And I shall apologize to them for not having protected them better. And I know they will forgive me. They will Love me despite this. That's why I will continue to tell their story.

And I wish I could honestly say that I did my best. But deep down, in the dark places of my Heart where I rarely dare to tread because it is too frightening. Too painful. I know that I didn't do my best. And right now, I honestly don't even know what would have been my best. 

Times this by thousands of ancestors. Those that were, and those that continue to be destroyed. Crushed. Excavated. Dismembered. Exposed. Or Conveniently Simply Erased.

Welcome to my World. Our World. A Painful World. Yet, Still a Hopeful World. With Lessons to Last an Eternity. Love and Forgiveness. Let Us Do Our Best. Truly. Our Best...